Have you ever gotten in trouble for saying something stupid? Yeah, me neither. (Why did my nose suddenly grow a foot?)
Generally speaking, men are not as in tune with our emotions as our wives and we don?t understand the impact of our words.
One root cause of marital conflict I?ve noticed is a lack of perspective. Husbands and wives (like all human beings) see situations and their relationship from their unique point of view.
A husband who is the primary bread-winner may come home after a long day at the office and (foolishly) ask his wife, ?What did you do all day??
NOTE: The man in this situation may genuinely be asking his wife how her day was and just chose his words poorly.
My wife is a teacher, but during the summer (and while she is on maternity leave) there is a tendency for me to place greater value on what I accomplished during the day versus the role she plays as a seasonal stay-at-home-mom.
Here is a hypothetical conversation:
Me: Hey Babe, how was your day?
LK: Okay, I took the kids to school, vacuumed and went to the post office.
Me: That?s it? I sent 150 emails, attended 2 hours of meetings and?a conference call with London.
LK: ? <insert ?the look?>
On the surface it may seem like my day was more productive. How wrong an assessment that would be.
This last week I had the privilege to stay home from work to spend time with our new baby girl and help LK with household stuff during her recovery.?It gave me such an appreciation for what she does on a daily basis I will never compare our ?productivity? again.
Time does not pass at the same pace at home as it does at the office. Getting the kids up, dressed, fed and out the door in time to catch the bus to school is not as easy as I thought. Especially considering I have to be up, dressed and fed as well.
Running errands to the bank, grocery store and post office takes way more time than it should.?The benefit I have at work is all my to-do items happen in the same geographic location. Stay-at-home parents have to factor in driving, waiting in lines and queueing up at the bus stop.
I was under the (naive) impression that I would have all sorts of time last week for reading, writing and naps. That didn?t happen once. Not a single day did I fail to look at the clock and realize ?Whoa! It?s already time to go pick up the kids from school.?
As a husband (or wife) the difference between good and great may be a little perspective. Walk a mile (or a week) in your spouse?s shoes before risking strife or a night sleeping on the couch.
Question: How do you maintain perspective in your relationships? Have you ever asked the wrong question?
Source: http://www.somewiseguy.com/perspective/
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